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Resolved Question: "Bleak Would Feel Just Like Heaven!" will you kindly comment/ critique a musing as it reaches my fingers?
"I limp - the little shopping weighs the pain to near-passing out -
there are responsibilities to meet - not least - just basics
though faint in bed with no food for two days was an analgesic euphoria -
it does not work. Of course, I look a total shipwreck what the awful heck!
I navigate - in steady sittings - the stairs and mutter `no-one cares`
yet stubborn against the system`s vagaries I use the wall to prevent a fall - oh yes?
I am reduced to Snake Zenia - It palls, the light`s too bright - the usually-outwitted snake
this time is always right. I recoil in dumbed-down slight fright.My marbles too? Oh,Aghast, I rue!
I eat - it all tastes the same - is this some new-torture Getting- Old **F*ckwit - Trickster game? -
I will NOT stay lame! It is the leg I broke a few years back - the setting`s gone awry .....
I don`t know why. I shudder out of my jacket, place a carton of juice, some fruit, a packet
of fags in my suede shoulder-bag to suck on. I lie abed, adjust the underfoot-friction cushion. .
Dutifully take my inhalers, medications, wait for inspiration (fFool, O Fool!) - nope -no dice!
I am pyjama`d on the bottom half, (this an exercise in `normality, Hey!) full-dressed on the top.
My hair - Ah, he*l, my hairbrush is - where?- I`m not gonna even try to get up so - batty-look prevails.
A bone upon bone of ankle-inching-on-arch - there`s an angle which has me `only`aching - all hail!
Time and I have parted ways this few weeks - a shower? (Don`t make me laugh ) yet -
How might I go to `Accident and Emergency` in perspiration glory and get my story - respected?
Hoist on some life-joke-petard I`m right out of the much-needed playing-card. It`s blo*dy hard I say.
I nod off; A strange bad energy creeps in my sleep into my upper half - I fight it off and I SCREAM!
I had had a conversation whilst shopping you see and returned for no reason discernible thinking.
"I do not like that person`s way. There`s something very very wrong."And now - first in many years
A Spiritual Invasion, `twas not in my imagination.The matters discussed took my strength, maybe??
I chose them - did I? Yet this day,I need clean up my act,go forth,select a gift for a lovely new baby.
I play a meditation-tape thinking of the night`s dark grey clutching near-body-rape, with caution.
For the present, this my portion of world-suffering for sure (but good to know I can protect my core).
I shall write a plan-of-action for the day, ensuring I conserve energy, get back in time, align
With what is healthy. Before the pain which lessens daily just a degree from resting it,
Has me bats in the belfry.Given that I never felt less `driven` `Bleak` Would Feel Just Like - Heaven!"
ps I`d appreciate it if whoever usually reports me
give it a miss -
the upper-case is inrended to represent an actual long scream
Thanking You Kindly. L.D.
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