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Resolved Question: I think I'm still depressed or confused?
Why am I still depressed?
I've been exercising for a while now. I become creative when I exercise and workout too. I do things like focus on my breathing while moving, create a little fun exercise like creating my own fighting style while going with a flow or just do silly things like dance around all stupid. I've also been combining stretching, yoga, yogic breathing exercises like breath of fire and weight lifting. I learned how to box during high school on my own and even mixed it with a few styles like kickboxing and ninjutsu. Learnig ninjutsu was really fun by the way and motivated me to come up with my own defensive techniques. Trust me they were good! I was never really a couch potato or watched T.V. and was active most of the time during high school.
Also been meditating, which has helped me significantly in other things. Sometimes I'll add my own ideas to the meditative techniques too, or just make it a series of techniques one after another. I've been mostly practicing vipassana meditation along with loving-kindness at times and body awareness. I also like using what I knew about positive psychology and NLP( nlp is nuero liguistic programming which is a branch of psychology that focuses on how language affects the mind and experience). NLP is very spiritual in a sense. I loved it and it really improved my meditation. Two interesting things I learned from it are these questions. What do you want? And How would you know you have got it? Using your internal senses to answer the second one. Try it! Ask one of your friends or even people you work with when you are having trouble with something.
I also play and create my own music with my electric guitar, have been doing it for a few years. People have said that playing an instrument helps depression so I'm assuming creating and compossing music is even more beneficial especially since I've been doing it before I became depressed.
I began doing concentration exercises to improve my concentration before I tried learning how to meditate to help my focus. But the weird thing is that I felt like I became depressed after learning how to meditate. I lost interest in life and nothing seemed exciting or motivating anymore. I was really motivated to learn to meditate and combine it with exercise, music, goodwill and kindness towards others. Instead of feeling like I was going uphill, I actually feel like I went downhill. Though it did uncover alot, I can't enjoy the things I used to like video games, boxing, skateboarding or my guitar as much. I would have thought that meditation would have made things better.
I guess you can say that the depressive phase started about a few months ago. Im 19 now and graduated from high school a year and a half ago. It boggles me though how I became so uninterested in life after knowing all these things, learning so much about life, reality, wisdom, experience and what not. Some of it is still mildly exciting but I feel like I'm creating a virtual reality or something. I don't really see the point of seeing a psychologist because I already know what hypnosis is and all those techniques and what not. I hypnotize myself sometimes while or before meditation. Besides, it has not been proven the therapy, psychology and psychiatry have effectively treated depression. And medication is definetly not one of my options. I don't want to rely on an escape from this whatevers I am feeling, going through.
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