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Open Question: What is this symptom I get when I have a panic attack?
So, sometimes when I get a panic attack or after I have a panic attack I get weird feelings/thoughts. I thought it was defined as the feeling of 'unreality' or 'depersonalization,' but I just read the definition of these and I don't think that's it.
Perhaps it's fleeting thoughts, or just the way a racing anxious mind works, or maybe I'm just a cynical person - but figured I would ask any way.
A lot of times I get very overwhelmed. The fact that I don't understand everything can either trigger an anxiety attack or can leave me in a 'loopy' state of mind after one.
It's hard to explain, so I'll give a few examples:
Sometimes I'll get a panic attack when I truly try to empathize with people. I get overwhelmed when I think about how many people there are around me and how each perspective is different and unique. I wonder what the world looks like through their eyes, and how each of us has this immense 'inner' world - and wonder what their's is like...and get anxious when I realize I'll never know the answers. This probably also has to do with the fact that my anxiety has to do a lot with fear of embarrassment and I'm wondering how I look in their eyes.
Another example would be that sometimes things on a grand scale effect me. For instance I can be overwhelmed by tall buildings, big mountains, crowded city streets, etc... Half of the time I think this is due to the fact that my sensory perception is delicate (if lighting changes a lot, sounds change, etc... my brain assumes danger). The other half of the time it's because I'll look at these things and don't understand how they were accomplished. I cannot grasp the magnitude and time it took create these things and I get frustrated then anxious. Whether it's how the Empire State building was created or the scope of time and geological events that led to a mountain I see in the distance.
I would love to be able to take everything for what it is and not have these questioning thoughts, but it's just the way my brain has grown to think. I would love to be at the airport and just acknowledge what a beautiful thing a flying plane is without having to google flight and learning about drag and lift and thrust to understand how the plane works because I get anxious I don't get it (recent event). I'm sure this thinking may be useful if it didn't cause me anxiety and if it were more focused...but I haven't found a way to achieve that yet.
When I have these thoughts I get into a pattern where I feel a little 'unreality.' Although I am aware that everything around me is real, it's like my inability to understand any of it makes me feel minuscule and scared and overwhelmed.
I also feel the need to point out that I have no false illusions of who I am. I do not think that I am a person of great importance that should know everything about everything.
I know that I think way too much, and I'm trying to stop doing that so I can relax and enjoy life. There are times that I can look at a beautiful sky, mountain, ocean...and just appreciate it at face value and be happy with the miracle it is. However there are just as many times that they are a source of anxiety because I don't 'get it.' I do love to meditate, but many times when these thoughts start I'm not in a place conducive to it. I feel at peace when I meditate - and would welcome any tips on achieving the same results when I can't find quiet and fully concentrate on it.
Any way - I don't think I'm quite as neurotic as this sounds, but I wanted to get into as much detail as possible. I'm guessing it's just the fleeting thoughts of an analytical mind, but wanted some input.
Thanks!!
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